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Library/Breakdown
TW FOR SUICIDE AND SELF-HARMING Random Rust Angst idk was the original name of the file, but it was later renamed to Breakdown. This story was originally written in 2015, but was reworked and edited in 2017, due to out of character writing, bad and awkward dialog, unlikeable characters and a somewhat reckless representation of self-harming, anxiety and depression. Summary After moving back in with Atomus and finding out that Rust is now a new member of the family, Iron's bitterness causes him to say some things that bring on consequences far worse than any that he had ever imagined. Features Characters * Iron * Rust * Atomus * Blade (Mentioned) Locations * Atomus, Iron and Rust's home Breakdown ''It was an early night and a dark skinned boy dressed in a black and white cyborg like outfit, had just arrived back to his home. The boy, who went by the name of Iron, had spent the day just hanging out with his best friend, to the point that both had lost track of time. The boy knew he wasn't supposed to arrive home that late but it was just this one time. His adoptive father would probably let it slide, but not before making a rant, rambling about how worried he was and how there were dangers and bad things lurking around at night. Iron would sigh and nod, always confident that he knew how to take care of himself even if anything worse were to happen. He slowly opened the door and walked inside as if to be unnoticed but he was quick to tell he was being watched. He knew it, on the living room another boy with short black hair and tan skin sat quietly, glaring at him with cold teal eyes, then at the door where he had just walked from. Iron just hated his guts. Ever since Iron had fled from home because of the "accident", Atomus had adopted this kid to their family, he was only a year younger than him, fourteen if he wasn't mistaken. He wouldn't talk much other than to spit insults all the way, he rarely smiled, and his face had this constant tired glare look that was just annoying and yet so provoking. Iron passed by him, glaring back as the boy seemed offended and just muttered - You are late. Atomus is extremely worried. - Evening Rust, I don't remember agreeing to you making part of my business, though? - Iron claimed as he just wasn't willing to deal with this brat at the moment. - Just thought you should know. - He said, arrogantly, looking away from him. - I am only blind from one eye, so I was still able to see the night sky, I could tell it was late. Stop acting like some know-it-all! - Iron groaned at him and sighed - Where's doc? - ...Out. Iron stared at him for a while as if waiting for him to continue, but the boy kept his gaze elsewhere, purposely avoiding him -...? Out... where...?!? - He asked, gesturing impatiently with his hands, clearly irritated. - No need to get so distressed... He's out to get late groceries in hopes of coming across you. What does it matter to you, Ron...? - He calmly asked, keeping his distant attitude all the time. Iron just shook his head - You are annoying... Which reminds me. Since you are here alone, perhaps it's about time that I let you know about how I truly feel about you. Rust just stared quietly at him - ...Curious... I did have some matters I'd like to discuss as well. - Quit the fancy talk. Rust, I just want to let you know, that I do not trust you in this house, and your presence is just unpleasant to me and Atomus. When are you thinking of leaving? Rust stared at him, not sure of how to react to this sudden statement and shook his head - I get that a lot in fact. Worry not, however. I intend to take my leave soon enough. My feelings regarding you are rather similar. I am not fond of you either. Before you decided to return here, asking for redemption but deep down wanting nothing but a place to sleep... I was quite happy with Mr. Atomus. But now that you, his favourite, have returned, I am no longer important. I am just left here to rot. What a shame... - Rust muttered bitterly, tilting his head to the side a bit, similar to a puppet - I do hate you for ruining this for me. Iron just glared at him, furious with his words - You talk like you knew what happened between me and him! I still can't understand how he took you in when you're just... This! Ugh! - He groaned disgusted at the Rust, who just looked at the side, his brows furrowed. He was about to reply to him but Iron just continued spitting at him - And he says you're not that bad... I don't think he has seen how you truly are! - ... Maybe I do not understand... But I just despised how you left, leaving the poor man in such a pitiful state. Did he deserve it? - You don't even know half of what he did...! So shut up! - Iron groaned, thinking about the reason why he had fled in the first place and shivered as he pushed away those dark memories. - I know that whatever it was that happened, he felt regretful... - He was probably just regretting being stuck with you. - Iron hissed at him. Rust didn't reply, keeping up with his neutral facade for so long he just faced down, a sigh escaping his lips - I don't really know... Iron just groaned, the boy's constant calm look was just so terribly annoying, he just longed to get some reaction from him other than just sighs and eye rolls - I just hate you so much... You don't belong here...! He took you in just out of pity! Rust looked up numbly at him - Was it not the same with you...? You seem to see me as an intruder... I might hate you, Ron, but as much as I'd be happy with it, I would not attempt to get you to leave. In a way, we aren't so different, you and I... Iron quickly understood what he meant with this and glared - Oh. Oh, so now I'm the bad guy, huh? - I did not say that. Interpret it as you wish. - I clearly know you wanted to imply something! Urgh, just disappear, I wish you'd just die or somethin'! - Iron hissed, rage was taking over him to the point he was just saying things without thinking, his hatred overflowed, but somehow he kept himself from causing any sort of physical harm - I just want you gone... However, Rust did not reply, keeping his gaze distant - ...This conversation is over. - He muttered, getting up as Iron glared at him. The boy just avoided his glare and started to walk upstairs to his room, leaving Iron to cool down, which he slowly did. This kid must be thinking that he's so great, Iron thought to himself, who was he even trying to impress? His void of emotion annoyed him to no end because deep down he knew it was an act, what was even up with that guy?! A few hours had gone by, Atomus had returned, dinner went by quietly with very few words exchanged and Iron was now in his room, getting ready to go to sleep. He had not traded any more words with Rust ever since the argument, but yet, he couldn't help but to be thinking of the things he said. Maybe he had overreacted a bit, but he refused to apologize. Rust didn't deserve it, he thought. His room was next to his, yet only a few occasional noises and bumps could be heard from it, thick walls... Perhaps, he was working on whatever it was that he did, metal crafts and watchmaking if Iron could recall, but it certainly was too late in the evening for him to be doing that. Lying in bed, Iron heard a bump, and another one, and he just kept wondering for how long Rust was going to keep it up until he decided to go sleep. The bumps kept going for a while until another loud one managed to be the last drop to get Iron to get up and complain about the noise. Atomus' room was on the opposite side of the corridor, so naturally, he heard nothing from this, but Iron had had enough. He walked out of his room and knocked on the door that was on the side - Hey, do you mind keeping it down a bit? - He said and sighed, while staring at the door. It got silent from that moment on and Iron frowned, feeling like he was being made fun of. NOW he decided to be quiet! - I know you're awake, what are you even-...?! - He gasped as he opened the door, seeing Rust just lying on the floor with a bloody dagger next to him. He was facing away from him, in a fetal position and completely motionless. Although blood made Iron feel nauseous, he quickly rushed to Rust, trying to ignore the dagger. Although he could not care less for Rust, seeing him in such a state couldn't help but to make Iron afraid for his own life, what would Atomus think if he saw this?! He didn't want to trigger anything more in the albino man's mind. Iron just shook the boy, calling out for him to wake up, but there was no reply, no breathing, no nothing as his head fell limp. Perhaps if he felt his pulse...! Iron quickly went to grab Rust's arm but gasped, letting it go just as quickly as if he felt a wet bloody texture. He slowly lifted the tan arm, noticing it was still bleeding a warm blood, from a vertical slit that went through the thin skin across his left arm. Iron didn't know where those wounds came from, but all the facts pointed to the bloody dagger on the ground. Could Rust have done this to himself...? Iron just felt shocked by all of it before he recalled what he wanted to do and nervously held the wrist again to try to feel the pulse and just sighed in relief as it was still there, but not for long if he kept bleeding like that. He tried to pick him up and soon managed to get him into his bed where he then started to treat his wounds, hoping not to wake up Atomus that peacefully slept in his room. Although Atomus would know better about what to do about the wounds, Iron felt that there was a chance that he would just snap in strange ways if he were to see sharp objects and blood, or so he thought. Iron cleaned the blood and treated the wounds almost like he had done it hundreds of times before, but silently panicking as Rust remained unconscious, barely showing any signs of being alive. Was he even going to wake up? Upon rechecking for his vital signs, Iron sighed as he recalled that this was the same kid with who he had had that stupid argument a few hours before and just grumbled. He couldn't believe that he was actually starting to worry about him and his condition but yet, he just couldn't help it. Seeing someone in such a pitiful state had its effects. Iron just stared at his unconscious face, hoping to be reminded of the irritating snobbish look that annoyed him to no end, but it didn't help. Why had this even happened!? A long hour passed by and Iron was nearly dozing off when he gasped as he felt Rust’s hand weakly grabbing his arm, startling him awake. Sighing annoyed with the strange relief he felt to see him alive, Iron glared at him. Rust simply gazed back at him like he wasn't sure of who or what he was even looking at and blinked a bit, squinting his eyes - ...w-what...? ...Ron...? Iron huffed and glanced at the side - Don't you go "Ron" at me. What just happened to you? A look of confusion and shock filled Rust's expression as he quickly sat up on his bed and gazed at his treated arm, then looking at him terrified - N-No... You didn't... - What. Happened. - Iron asked slowly but sternly. Rust just shook his head with the same shocked look, holding his arm as if he was hiding it - No! Leave! - Not until you explain what this is all about! - T-There is nothing to be explained! Iron glared at him - There is, and you will tell me. Where did those cuts in your arm come from? Rust started to shake when he said this - Quiet! Get out! - He said as if desperate. - I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU, WHAT IS GOING ON?! WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO YOURSELF?! - Iron shouted, quickly covering his mouth, hoping Atomus hadn't heard it. Rust kept shaking, trembling in reply - ...Why are you so confused? I... I thought you wanted this! Iron just stared, confused by what he meant with this - Want... what...? - He asked as the boy just faced away, laying his head on the slightly bloody pillow - I was trying to die! This way I-I'd disappear for good... But I guess you wanted to mock me one last time... Iron just stared dumbfounded at him. Was he subjecting himself to this pain because of him? - You're crazy! Don't go and slit your arms like this! That's dangerous! Do you actually want to die?! Rust just stared at him, dead in the eye and just mumbled - What do you want from me...? I'm only wasting space and I've done nothing with my life so far other than to cause sadness and anger on others... Especially Atomus... and now you, Ron. - he said, pausing for a while and raising his hand as if to reach for the ceiling - Maybe I am crazy...But I hope that there is no pain in the Afterlife... So that... that's a yes... I want to kill myself... - he mumbled as if trying not to cry, while Iron just face palmed in reply and muttered - You need serious help... Look, I know we had a lot of fights, but honestly just calm down! - Calm down...? I've been doing it all this time... - I mean, just stop freaking out like this! Rust just kept his gaze on the ceiling - It amuses me... you wanted me out of this world, and yet, within a few hours, you start claiming that you're actually worried about me...! - He frowned sadly - I was doing this for the both of you so that maybe I could redeem myself... Please leave me be... I'll finish the job and then, if it's alright, you can dispose of my body and... And you can be happy, and there will be no more replacements like me... His melancholic tone seemed to be reaching Iron's mood, but he just shook his head - R-Rust, just... Just shut up for a second now! Are you even listening to yourself?! No one is going to die and NO ONE is going to dispose of any bodied! - He groaned - Look, just get a hold of yourself, alright? Maybe get a friend to talk about it, that should help, right! - he grumbled at the boy who just stared numbly without a reply, as Iron quickly assumed what he meant with this - ...You... Do have friends, right...? - Take a bloody guess... It gives me more reason to leave. - No it doesn't. It's just... wrong! - Whatever... - Urgh... I just don't want to be the reason someone dies, at least not again. - Iron muttered as he pushed the dark thoughts away. - That's all you care for...? Not to feel guilty because of me - Uh? - You don't have to lie about being worried about me... If what you worried for was that you didn't want to feel guilty, you could have said so instead. - No, don't go twisting my own words! I am worried, yes! - You're not! Y-You're probably just... just pitying me now that you've seen me like this! - NO! STOP! STOP JUMPING INTO RIDICULOUS CONCLUSIONS! I SAY I'M WORRIED BECAUSE IT'S WHAT I'M FEELING AND THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT! Rust just shivered when he shouted and to Iron's surprise, he just started to sob, a change of emotion compared to his constant dull look. - ...Rust? - Iron asked a bit worried, but the boy just kept crying - Y-You w-wanted th-this...! - He wept sadly - W-why d-did you d-do this...?! - H-Hey, just calm dow-! - I AM DONE WITH T-TRYING TO C-CALM DOWN! I-IT'S ALL YOUR F-FAULT! A-All your fault...! - He said between sobs - I hate you, but I didn't want to hurt him, so I kept quiet! YOU JUST WANTED ME DEAD! SO I DID UNTIL YOU DECIDED TO CHANGE YOUR MIND! W-Why... RON WHY?! Iron just stared shocked at him, he was speechless as he thought about the boy's words, and even his own as he recalled the insults they shared. He had never thought that the snob angry looking kid actually had feelings! Who knew? And it was his fault that he was like this... because of his words, he almost took his life - Rust... I... I'm sorry... Alright? - Y-You're not! You just want me to shut up, nod and say that it's fine, because you're the good one! You want to leave this situation behind and act like a good guy! We can pretend everything is perfect and that we're okay! B-But it's not...! It's not okay! You have to live with the bloody things you said for the rest of your life, because you're horrible! I hate you! - What is going on here? - An older voice called out for the two boys. They looked towards to see Atomus standing with a worried yet annoyed look in his tired pale blue eyes. The two got quiet and Rust just held his arm to himself, quietly sobbing while Iron instinctively got in front of him - H-Hey there... we were just talking...! - He said nervously but the older man just sighed - Yes... I heard the shouting. Are you two fighting again? - O-Oh, we didn't mean to wake you up. - That doesn't matter. Rust, why are you crying? What happened here? - Atomus asked firmly, then moved a bit to look at Rust on the bed who just stared at him in fear and shock. - W-What?! No, we just... Uh... - Iron mumbled a bit nervously. - D-Don't worry, I'll fix it... Y-You two will be happy again... - Rust mumbled, trying to stop weeping. - You're not going to fix anything! - Iron said nervously - You'll just make it worse, stop! - I just c-can't take it anymore! - He cried out. Atomus just approached as the boys argued and they soon grew quiet with his presence as Rust was quick to sit on the bed grabbing a pillow to hide his arm, the pillow which to his dismay had a few blood stains in it. - You two, please just explain what's going on. - Rust is hurt. - Ron wants me dead! - Rust cried out as Iron just glared at him because of his lack of cooperation. - I don't! Shut up! - You wanted me to k-kill myself and I just couldn't take it anymore! Atomus gazed confused at both of them, he knew Iron had a terrible temper and Rust was good with lying, but his extreme emotions made it hard to tell what was true and what was a fabrication of his own mind. It was an odd case - Uhm... Ron, you first. - Atomus pointed curiously The boy took a deep breath - I walked in this room and Rust had slit his- - S-STOP IT! - Rust shouted with the most horrified scream ever, making both Atomus and Iron stare in concern. - R-Rust, I-I'm trying, to- - NO YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING! - He shouted as he started to breathe heavily as if hyperventilating. - Slit his what...? - Atomus asked Rust, worriedly. He just stared back at him and shook his head in panic - …N-No...! P-Please...! Atomus gazed at Iron and signaled for him to leave for a while because they wanted to talk privately. A glimpse of hope appeared in Rust's eyes, but it soon vanished when Iron left and Atomus wasn't looking like he wanted to comfort him - Show me where you're hurt. - Atomus spoke, looking at the bandages on his arm, already knowing the answer to it. Rust shook in reply and looked at his arm as he firmly held the pillow -...! - Are they on your arm? - Atomus insisted and Rust nodded frightened as the older man signaled for him to give him his arm, which he slowly did. Atomus slowly took off the bandages as Rust just tried to keep calm, clearly failing. - Did you do this? - Atomus asked calmly as he gazed at the cut that had stopped bleeding for a while - ... - Rust please tell me... Rust stood quiet for a while, feeling guilty until he finally mumbled - Yes... I... I-I did... - he said, looking down in shame as a few more tears streamed down his cheeks. Atomus just sighed sadly - You should have spoken to me... it doesn't have to be like this... - He asked as Rust just gazed at him, unsure. - I'm sorry. I... - It's fine... Just... - he gently covered the young boy's wounds again, a depressed look on his face - Just talk to me... I don't want you to suffer like this... I'm taking your dagger away and any other sharp object to prevent these kinds of incidents again. Rust just gasped, scared - Please don't... I need it...! - No you don't. I can't let you hurt yourself like this... If this is what you’re using it for, then you give me no choice... - N-No... - You also said that Ron told you to... kill yourself... Is this true? Rust just stared hesitant at him and nodded in reply - Well it was... Something along those lines... - Always... Always fighting... - Atomus sighed frustrated and let go of his arm - I believe you, and I'll talk to him... I hope you are not lying to me... - He said sadly as Rust just shook his head hesitantly. - I'm not... Atomus just gazed at the shivering boy with a sad look and sighed - Look, I will help you stop this... For now, get along with him. The boy just nodded, cleaning the tears. However, he did not feel too convinced. Atomus just pat his head reassuringly and got up, picking up the bloody dagger from the floor and exiting the room. Iron impatiently waited by the door as he taped his foot nervously, he knew most of what had happened was his fault, despite believing that Rust was too at fault. But yet he had never expected for him to even react like this, let alone attempt to take his own life... But how would he even know? Iron gasped out of his trance as Atomus walked out of the room and gave him a stern look. - How is he? - What do you think...? - Atomus sighed - Did you really say those horrible things to him? I want you two to stop fighting so much all the time! Is that so much for me to ask from the both of you? You said you would stop! - I was angry because he was getting condescending at me! Plus I did not expect him to break so easily over something so stupid! - That doesn't matter, you still shouldn't have said those things! - I-I'm sorry, I was mad and it just slipped! Atomus let out an impatient sigh and took a few seconds to calm down - Do not apologize to me, if you're going to apologize, it's going to be to him. - He pointed back - He claims that you were the one to start, but regardless, you two are no longer children, I shouldn't have to be treating you as such. - He was provoking me...! - Ron. Enough. Go apologize to him and go to bed. I do not want to hear any more of your fighting! - Atomus said firmly as he then proceeded to walk to the bathroom, his gaze sadly sat on the bloody dagger. As he did this, Iron just watched as he left and glanced back at the door to Rust's room and knocked twice before opening it. The room was darker, with only a small light sitting on the bedside table. Rust just laid on the bed while facing the wall, his ear twitched with the sound but as he remained motionless, Iron soon noticed that his presence was being ignored. Sighing, he stepped closer and opened his mouth, but was quickly interrupted by Rust's quiet muttering - I do not want to hear any of it. Leave. - Rust... - Iron was caught off guard by this, but quickly regained his focus - I... I've said it before but, I'm really, but really sorry about what happened this night... Rust just stood quiet, only looking away from him - Are you really? Don't waste your time and please just leave me alone. - I will leave, don't worry, but... I'm sorry! I mean it! - "Sorry" does not fix any of this...! - he seemed like he was about to break down into tears again - Just leave me alone! - Rust, I just don't want you to do anything stupid again! - ... What is that supposed to mean? Is it because you'll feel bad about yourself if I do? - His tone was bitter but tired. - Not for me, but for you...! I don't want you to be hurting yourself just because I'm an asshole! Rust remained quiet for a while -...I'm tired, Ron... Let me sleep... - Can you promise you won't do it again? - ...Why should I promise you anything?! J-Just leave...! - It could help...! - ... Leave... - Can't you promise that to yourself...? - N-No, I can't! Damn you, Ron! I just want to sleep, leave me alone! - Rust cried out as Iron raised his hands defensively - A-Alright, I'm leavin', calm down...! - He said making an effort to keep calm himself, he just didn't have the guts to be angry again regardless of how frustrated he felt, but he figured that Rust wasn't feeling much better. He walked to the door and faced him - Then I guess it's goodnight...? - Close the door on your way out. - Rust muttered and Iron did as he asked with a sigh. Leaving the room, he noticed Atomus carefully washing the dagger and the two exchanged glances, Atomus seemed stern but Iron's expression made him look equally concerned. The two nodded and Iron went back to bed, still thinking about Rust until he fell asleep.Category:Library